Why do we sabotage ourselves?
I’m sitting in a coffee shop on a beautiful tropical island.
Beautiful women are everywhere. Business is good. The sun is shining.
It’s a paradise in every sense of the word.
But the truth is … I’m anxious.
I feel like I’m in a plane that’s just passed through the worst turbulence imaginable…
Things are calm now, but a part of my mind dreads the next rough patch.
This is self-sabotage pure and simple.
Why do we do it to ourselves?
Something I’ve come to realise in my ripe old age of 31 is this…
Positive experiences (or even the threat of them) can trigger our deepest fears.
And when that happens, our defences kick in to manage the fear.
That might look like eating a whole bag of Lays sour cream and onion chips.
It might look like binge-watching YouTube shorts.
Pretty much any self-defeating behaviour can be described in the above way.
Experience » Fear » Defence » Repeat
Herein lies the core reason why a person can remain stuck in a shitty situation for their entire lives.
It’s not that they CAN’T change their circumstances.
It’s that, on a core fundamental level, a part of them doesn’t want to…for a variety of reasons.
What are the reasons why a person would resist, or even sabotage, their own success?
Let’s explore this…
Reason #1: Low self-esteem
Deep down, you don’t believe you deserve good things happening to you.
If things are shitty, this pretty much lines up with how you see yourself.
It sucks, but to your subconscious, at least your external and internal are consistent.
Low self-esteem will destroy your life if you allow it to…
So one thing you can do is start a self-gratitude journal and get serious about acknowledging the wins, however small they might seem.
Reason #2: Comfort in Dysfunction
Sometimes, people are strangely comfortable with suffering.
They might even sabotage positive experiences because they are more accustomed to dealing with dysfunction and struggle.
It feels safer and more predictable than venturing into the unknown of positive change.
To overcome this fear, you need to honestly weigh up the cost of your addiction to discomfort vs the potential benefit of moving beyond it.
Ask yourself what your life will become if you remain attached to discomfort.
And then make the decision to let it go.
Reason #3: Fear of Change
Positive experiences have one thing in common.
They bring change. That terrifying word.
And you might sabotage yourself to maintain the dreadful status quo.
It’s a form of control.
You’d rather endure predictable suffering than risk facing the unknown.
But here’s the thing…
Change is happening constantly whether you like it or not.
An old Zen is saying I love:
“Let go or be dragged”
Realise deeply in your bones that change is life.
Resisting it is futile.
Join the chaos and dance with it.
Life is much more fun that way.
Reason #4: Fear of Failure
“I would rather not try than suffer the pain of failure”
This is a limiting belief that might be lurking under the surface of your mind.
If you’re stuck procrastinating constantly, I would bet money that a part of you sees the cost of potential failure as too high … so you don’t act at all.
But I’m gonna be an asshole for a moment.
By not trying … you’re failing constantly.
You just aren’t aware of it yet.
Realise deeply that without failure, success is impossible.
Intentionally pursue failure, and paradoxically, it will make success more likely.
Reason #5: Fear of Success
Here’s something about success…
It often brings new expectations, pressure and responsibilities.
Success might mean losing current relationships.
It might mean more attention on you with a risk of being judged or criticised.
You might have imposter syndrome, believing that you’re massively underqualified for any success you experience and that people will find out sooner or later.
To rewire this fear, write these words into your phone:
“Whatever happens, I will handle it”
Make these words your mantra for the next 12 months.
You can handle success and all that comes with it.
So let it come. And stop resisting your own power.
Procrastination is often a result of these fears in disguise.
To tackle these fears, we need to drop deeper into the mind to heal them.
Until next time,
OC