Being a pushover is making you miserable.
If you're constantly trying to please other people, avoid conflict, never rock the boat, and make others like you—this is taking a toll on you that you may not be aware of.
Or maybe you are.
Either way, I'm taking you on a journey of what to expect when you finally stop being a doormat and start claiming the respect you deserve—not just from others but for yourself.
There are two reasons I can talk about this.
One: I used to be Mr. Nice Guy, smiling all the time, terrified of conflict. Which is weird because I was a cage fighter for a while.
And two: I’ve worked as a men’s coach for the last few years, helping men start living with more authenticity.
I have seen how life changes when you stop being nice and start being real.
This is what happens.
Change 1: You Start Seeking Solitude
As Mr. Nice Guy, you take what you can get because it's all you think you deserve.
That means your social circle is full of people you never really chose.
They just fell into your life through circumstance.
When you stop being a doormat, you begin to notice how certain people drain your energy.
Maybe you start realizing that all social interaction drains your energy.
It’s like waking up for the first time and realizing how exhausting it is to be nice all the time.
You don't quite know what it's like to be anything else yet, and that's okay.
But at this stage, you start craving time alone.
You might make excuses, fake sickness, or bullshit family obligations when people invite you out… but that’s okay. It’s just a phase.
You start craving inner peace more than social validation.
And you realize that solitude gives you that.
Change 2: You Start Asking Yourself What You Want
As Mr. Nice Guy, you don't know what you want.
Your whole identity has been built around what other people want from you.
If your ego could speak, it would say:
"I don’t want anything. I only want what other people want from me."
No wonder you wake up one day into a life that doesn’t feel like yours.
A life where you need constant distraction—video games, porn, doomscrolling—to avoid the reality of the life you're stuck in.
All your life, you tried to do the right thing.
You weren’t selfish, like your asshole dad or those bullies at school.
But all it led to was silent suffering.
If you cleared away all the distractions and sat alone with yourself, you might be faced with a painful truth:
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You don’t like yourself.
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You don’t like your life.
This feels like an abyss—because it is.
But it’s necessary. It’s the unravelling of the false self you created as a kid to survive.
Now your true self is bursting through.
And it isn’t content with just surviving.
Your true self wants to thrive.
And that’s why the question "What do I want?" starts coming up.
You realize that asking this question isn’t selfish and never was.
It’s the doorway to a life you love.
Change 3: Your Healthy Anger Starts to Awaken
Men who are too nice all have one thing in common:
They never get angry.
The problem is, that anger is a healthy emotion that exists to protect your boundaries and self-respect from people who want to step all over them.
And those people are everywhere.
Without healthy anger, you are defenceless.
Like a city in the Middle Ages—no walls, no guards, no weapons.
Anyone can walk in and take what they want.
Not only that but repressing anger takes vast amounts of energy.
You’ve done this for so long that you don’t even realize the toll it’s taking on you.
Many "nice guys" struggle with depression—which is often anger forced inward.
But when you awaken from the Nice Guy dream and step into your real self— You start getting frustrated, annoyed, even pissed off.
And instead of stuffing it down—you allow it to be there.
Maybe you don’t act on it yet. And that’s okay.
But the inner civil war against yourself is ending.
You aren’t rejecting your anger anymore.
You’re embracing it.
And now, you're experiencing big surges of energy that were previously locked up in constant suppression.
You might find motivation and passion starting to emerge.
Change 4: Your Body Language Transforms
We are always telling people who we are through our body language.
Before:
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You smiled all the time, even when you weren’t happy.
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You laughed at jokes you didn’t find funny.
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You avoided eye contact like you owed it money.
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You shrunk yourself, taking up as little space as possible.
But when you stop living to please others and start living to please yourself…
You stop being prey.
You deserve to be here. You deserve respect.
And your body starts reflecting that.
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You walk with more intention.
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You stand tall.
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Your eyes relax into the moment.
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You take up space without apology.
You stop feeling ashamed of yourself. And it shows.
Change 5: You Start Saying What You Mean
Nice guys are dishonest and manipulative.
Not because they’re bad people—but because they’re afraid to be real.
This was a childhood survival strategy.
It worked when:
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Your parents were emotionally inconsistent.
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You were bullied and needed to fit in.
The problem is—it doesn’t work as an adult.
When you stop being nice and start being honest:
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You express your true interests, no matter how weird they seem.
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You call out disrespect instead of swallowing resentment.
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You ask for what you want instead of hoping people read your mind.
You stop tying your self-worth to others' approval.
You start valuing something way more important:
Your truth.
Your authenticity.
Your self-respect.
At the end of your life, what really matters is:
Did you live a life others expected of you?
Or did you live a life that was true to you?
If you're ready to drop the Nice Guy mask and step into your unapologetic, bold, and authentic self, I'm currently accepting a small number of 1:1 clients.
Stay courageous,
Oliver
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