Alright mate,
How you doing?
So today I’m talking about the 7 types of pushback you’ll get when you stop being Mr. Nice Guy, stop being a people pleaser, and start asserting your boundaries.
I’ll dive into what each type looks like, what it sounds like, and how to respond so you don’t cave and go back to being Mr. People Pleaser.
Why?
So you can be a man who others respect and who respects himself.
1. Guilt Tripping
This is the most common one, and it sounds like:
“I thought you were a good friend”
“After everything I’ve done for you, you can’t do this one little thing?”
The whole purpose is to make you feel guilty so they can get control back. They don’t actually mean what they’re saying a lot of the time – it’s all about emotional control.
How to respond: Stay calm, don’t over-explain yourself, stick to a short response, and resist the urge to fix their disappointment.
Remember, their emotions are theirs, not yours.
2. Blame or Accusation
This is when they turn it back on you:
“You’re making this so difficult for everybody”
“Why do you have to rock the boat so much?”
They’re trying to say you’re the problem.
It’s similar to guilt tripping but more direct.
How to respond: Stay calm and neutral. The blame will only work if you get emotional. Refuse to enter into an argument. Just stay centered on your boundary with short responses like “I understand you’re upset, but this is still my boundary.”
3. Denial or Dismissal
This one sounds like:
“You’re being so sensitive”
“Oh come on, I was just joking”
The idea is to undermine your frame of reference.
They’re trying to downplay your feelings so they can control the situation.
How to respond: Stay rooted in your perspective. If you’re setting a boundary, say “I’ve thought about this and this is still important to me.” Use the broken record technique – just repeat what you’re saying. Your needs and boundaries matter.
4. Manipulation and Gaslighting
I know some of you guys have experienced this one.
It’s when they try to undermine your reality:
“I don’t remember it that way”
“I never said that”
It’s amazing how often people will gaslight in the face of overwhelming evidence.
They’ll just deny it as an attempt to control.
How to respond: Trust your reality. If you remember something, stick with it. You might say “I’m not getting into an argument over the details,” and then trust your reality. Don’t let them make you doubt yourself.
5. Playing the Victim
This is a screwed up one. You set a boundary, and they respond with:
“Well I guess I’m just a bad person then”
“I guess I’m just a bad friend”
What they’re not telling you is they don’t want to take responsibility for their behavior.
Nine times out of 10, a nice guy will respond by trying to soothe them, which is exactly what they want.
It puts them in a position where you’re giving them emotional supply and attention, and they don’t have to take responsibility.
6. Anger or Aggression
Lads, I think 9 out of 10 guys reading this are afraid of this one the most – anger, aggression, and conflict.
You set a boundary and they go “Are you kidding me?” or “How dare you!” with raised voices.
We usually exaggerate how often this would happen, but it does sometimes still happen.
How to respond: First, don’t match their level of intensity. When someone gets aggressive, if you stay grounded and calm, and lower your voice as they increase theirs, it’s like a hack for dealing with aggressive people.
Second thing – and I recommend this to ANY man – do a martial art.
Boxing, Muay Thai, MMA, whatever.
Why?
Because you need to know you’re not going to be completely hopeless if things escalate.
Not saying you should get into fights – that’s silly – but you need to know in yourself that if things go down, you’re not just going to be a complete victim.
If you know that, it reduces anxiety and the fear of conflict.
I recommend this to all my one-to-one clients.
7. Testing Your Boundary Later
This might be when you tell a friend who’s always late that it bothers you, but they still show up late.
Or when someone says “Oh I know you said this, but can you just do this just this once?”
They’re trying to get you to cave.
How to respond: Use the broken record technique again. Just maintain your frame and stay grounded in your reality.
Say “No, we’ve already talked about this, I’m not going to do that for you” and then shut up.
You don’t have to say anything after that.
As nice guys and people pleasers, we get into the habit of over-justifying and feeling like we only deserve to have our needs met if the other person agrees.
That’s why we cave and try to over-explain everything.
No is a complete sentence.
So there you go – the 7 types of pushback recap: guilt tripping, blame or accusation, denial or dismissal, manipulation and gaslighting, playing the victim, anger and aggression, and testing your boundary later.
You should be well equipped now to spot the types of pushback you’re gonna get when you start sticking up for yourself.
Got questions? Just hit reply, I read every email.
Stay courageous,
Oliver