Hey mate,
I used to be a classic nice guy people pleaser—passive in relationships, passive socially, and carrying a ton of toxic shame.
Until I went on the journey from being a “nice guy” to a more confident man.
Now I look back at all the ways I was building and maintaining my own “nice guy prison.”
And today, I’m sharing the 5 “nice guy” things confident men NEVER do (and what they do instead).
1. Confident Men Never Change Themselves to Fit In
Nice guys are social chameleons, constantly changing to get approval from others.
Why?
Because deep down, they don’t believe they’re enough.
A confident man values his own values more than validation from others.
He shows up authentically and realizes if people don’t like the real him, they’re not his people anyway.
2. They Never Punish Themselves with Perfection
Nice guys believe they need to be flawless just to be acceptable.
This perfectionism leads to shame, which leads to avoidance, which leads to passivity.
A confident man knows perfection is a lie.
He’s made peace with his flaws and rough edges.
He gives himself permission to fail and look awkward—and this is exactly what makes him confident.
3. They Never Chase External Validation
A nice guy only feels good when others approve of him—especially women and authority figures.
A confident man’s self-worth comes from within.
He values feedback but feels good when he lives by his own standards and values.
When you value integrity over validation, people start seeking YOUR validation instead.
(Funny how that works, isn’t it?)
4. They Never Avoid Difficult Conversations
Nice guys see conflict as evidence of their fundamental brokenness.
They become passive, let people walk all over them, and lack boundaries.
A confident man leans into truth and necessary discomfort.
He takes an active role in shaping his life.
If something’s bothering him, he addresses it.
If a boundary is crossed, he asserts it.
He fears self-abandonment more than conflict.
5. They Never Apologize for Asking What They Want
Nice guys believe their needs are a burden.
In dating, they friend-zone themselves by hiding their sexuality and showing up “too friendly.”
A confident man knows his needs matter and his sexuality is natural.
He understands his need for respect is fundamental to happiness.
He knows he deserves happiness and doesn’t apologize for pursuing it.
Your happiness isn’t just a priority—it’s THE priority.
And you shouldn’t feel guilty about that.
This week, I challenge you to identify which of these patterns you might be falling into.
Which one resonated the most?
Reply and let me know—I read every response.
Stay courageous,
Oliver