Why you freeze up in conflict (and how to fix it)

Alright mate,

Ever had this happen to you?

Someone says something disrespectful. Maybe they overstep a boundary, make a snide comment, or do something that doesn’t sit right with you.

And instead of speaking up…

You freeze, go blank and say nothing.

You don’t even know how you feel in the moment. You kind of dissociate.

Then hours later, you’re replaying the whole thing in your mind, imagining all the badass things you should’ve said.

(I learnt today that the phrase for this is “staircase wit” which is brilliant).

Only now it’s too late.

And that makes you feel like a loser. Like you don’t even respect yourself.

Sound familiar?

You’re not alone. I’ve been there many times.

In fact, this “freeze” response is exactly what I cover in today’s video … where it comes from, what’s really happening in your nervous system, and how to deal with it so you can stop shutting down and start standing up for yourself with calm confidence.

Whether it’s your boss piling on extra work without asking, a partner subtly disrespecting your boundaries, or your mates making the same ‘jokes’ over and over again…

Learning how to regulate this response is crucial if you want to become a man who commands respect.

That freeze-up isn’t you being weak.

It’s your nervous system reacting to a perceived threat.

What you’re experiencing is actually an emotional flashback rooted in your past (usually childhood) where you learned (on a nervous system level) that speaking your truth wasn’t safe.

So even now, as an adult who can set boundaries and speak up, your body still reacts like you're a scared kid back in school or afraid at home.

But here’s the good news:

You can train yourself to respond differently.

In the video, I walk you through my simple 3-step process for handling the freeze response:

1. Name it – Recognize when you’re freezing. Literally say to yourself: “I’m freezing right now.” Awareness is the first step.

2. Regulate – Ground yourself with breathwork. Try breathing in through the nose for 7 seconds, out through the mouth for 11. This calms your nervous system.

3. Create space – If you’re in a conversation, use a phrase like:
   “I need a few minutes—I’ll come back and talk about this.”

   (Taking intentional space is powerful.)

Bonus Step 4: Reflect afterward.

Journal about what happened, what triggered you, what you wanted to say, and what fears held you back.

Self-awareness is a game changer.

This process takes practice.

But if you commit to it, you will start handling conflict like the grounded, confident man you’re becoming.

And if you want to go deeper on this kind of emotional work, this is exactly the stuff I help clients with 1-on-1.

If you’re curious about working together, you can check out the link below to learn more.

👇
Here is the link I just mentioned ha

Stay courageous,

Oliver

P.S. Seriously—if you’re not journaling yet, start today.